Mr Langot 2

Mr. Langot runs home yelling : "Pack your bags Honey, I just won the 10 Million Lotto!"
WIFE: Oh dear! Do i pack for Beaches or Mountains???
Mr. Langot: "WHO CARES??? JUST PACK AND GET LOST..."


After hike in petrol price, Mr.Langot was not worried at all.
When his friend asked him the reason, he said: "How does it matter? Earlier I was filling petrol for Rs.100 in my car, now also I'll fill petrol for Rs.100 only !!"


Museum Curator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Mr.Langot: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Visitor: Whose skeleton is that?
Mr.Langot Tipu's skeleton.
Visitor: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Mr.Langot: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child.

Last 1 for today:

Once in MIT, there was an Indian student named Mr.Langot(ob).
He was very brilliant, and his General Knowledge (GK) was excellent.
He won every Quiz in the institute ....
Once he fell in love with a Phirangi girl...
He proposed to the girl, but she straight away rejected him ... calling him
Bloody Desi...
After this, his GK fell drastically, and he stopped taking part in Quiz
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because,

Jab Dil hi toot gaya....
to GK kya karenge ...

Name Guru

why did "shruti"'s frens started calling her "shraxis"?????

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Because UTI Bank is now AXIS Bank................ :)

Santa Banta

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.


Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.


Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"


Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"

What an Escape!!!

A Shikari goes to a jungle for shikar.
while he's enjoying his shikar , he encounters a ferocious elephant.

The elephant starts chasing the shikari. Shikari is scared of the
elephant and gets into his jeep and tries to escape. The elephant
doesn't stop and still continues to chase the shikari now at a faster
pace.

The shikari sees 2 ways in front of him one going to left and the other
going to right. He uses his intelligence to fool elephant and escapes.

Any idea what he does???

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come on don't give up.


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Ok. Here is the answer.

The shikari puts left indicator of the jeep and drives to the right.
The elephant gets confused and stops, thinking where to go.( left or right )

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Mr Langot-My new character

Why does not Mr. Langot wake up early.. i.e. when the day dawns.. or sun rises.. but
instead get up when the sun is already shining bright...

Because he has realised the fact that.. "dawn ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin.. na mumkin hain.."

Pandu PJs'!!

Kitta and Pandu are driving in a car.

Kitta puts on the indicator and asks Pandu to check if it is working.

Pandu puts his head out and says: "yes..no..yes..no..yes..no............!!! "

Having lost his donkey, Pandu got down to his knees and started thanking God.

His friend Kitta asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"

Pandu replied "I am thanking God for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too !!"

Pandu was once standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.

His wife Poongdi asked: "What are doing, honey??"

Pandu said: "I'm seeing how I look while I am sleeping !!!"

Once Pandu fell in love with a nurse.

He wrote his first love letter to her - "I love you, Sister !!!"

After hike in petrol price,

Pandu said: "It doesn't affect me at all. Earlier I was filling petrol for Rs.100 for my Alto, now also I'll fill petrol for Rs.100 only !!"

Teacher Kitta to Pandu: "Correct the sentence, A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"

Pandu : "A cow and a bull is grazing in the field "

Kitta : "How???"

Pandu: "Ladies first"

1 more PJ!

A couple were being introduced for the first time.
The girls parents were first to go:
Yeh hai Hamari pyari
Aamki Pyari
Hum sabki pyari Rampyari!!

The boys parents weren't far behind. They said
Yeh hai hamara ghu
aapka ghu
hum sabka ghu, Raghu!!

If you understood it well and good varna phatke!!

Water on Mars!!

Nasa has struggled so much to find water on Mars and thus prove the existence of life on Mars.. I dont know about life on Mars i have definitely found water on Mars. I present my findings here.



P.S: For real tech updates you can check out my blog Tech Overflow.

Pigeon

Pandu and his wife are on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on pandu's wife's head.

"Yech!" says pandu's wife. "Get some toilet paper."

Pandu says, "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Airtel

A dog was chasing Pandu and Pandu was laughing.
Kitta: Why are u laughing?








Pandu: I have an Airtel cell phone but still hutch network is following me.

Auto

When Pandu was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror.

Pandu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife ? Sit back. I will
drive"

Sotuh Indians!!

Prof Kitta: Why majority of south indians are black ?
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Pandu: Because they always watch Sun TV, Udaya TV, Surya TV without applying sun screen lotion.

Sing a Song!!!

Once Five CHIPKALIs (house lizards) : Phulwa, RaamPyaari, RaamDulari,
RaamPuri and RaamChuri were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden,
Phulwa started to sing a song.

The moment Phulwa stopped singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri
and RaamChuri fell down from the wall !!!...

WHY ???

Answer

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Coz, they all started clapping!!!!

Pandu!!

Why Pandu always keep a picture of himself in his room?

So he can use it as a mirror.

Pandu!!

One day Pandu talking with his friend Kitta

Pandu: "Poongdi and I have to learn Telugu within 6 months or
we will not be able to communicate with our child"

Kitta (surprised): "Is it !!!! Why ????"

Pandu: "We have adopted a telugu child from Telangana and it will start to speak after 6 months"

Name Change

Why did the girl changed her name from Shruti to Shraxis?
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Socho… kyun….. ???
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Aur thoda socho
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Ans: Because UTI bank is now Axis bank.

World Cup

Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer…..

The teams that qualified for the super six stage…

India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimbabwe .

Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
Africa respectively ..

The teams that have the last alphabet “a” in their names qualified for the
semifinals viz.

Indi’a’ , Australi’a’ , Keny’a’ & Sri Lank’a’.

The teams that have alphabets “ia” at the last of their name qualified for
the Final i.e

Ind “ia” & Austral”ia “.

Now,

Kisne World Cup ”lia” - Austra”lia”

Kisne World Cup “dia” - In”dia”

Helicopter Crash

There is a guy flying a helicopter..

He is going higher and higher thereby it becomes colder and colder..

He then crashes..


Why..


Think..








Think...









It was too cold so he switches off the fans...

Disease

One guy had a very Contiguous disease..

Whenever he opens his mouth near someone else.. the other guy gets the disease..

How does the disease Spread..


Think..










Think..










Because he had a Blue Tooth..

ATM Password

2 sardarji's went to an ATM. one of them(S1) inserts the card into the machine and enters the password.

S2 : Hehe i saw your password. (laughs)
S1 : Tell me what it is.
S2 : it's "****".
S1 : Hehe ... "****" is wrong .. my password is 8431

:-)

Call Center PJ

1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

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2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


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3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."
Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."
Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer : "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."

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4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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5).Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer : "A white one."
Tech support : ******_____####

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7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"

Customer : "Pentium."

Tech support : ////-----+++
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8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
Tech support : ??????

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9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."

Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10).Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"


Tech support : ??????

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11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech support : @@@@@
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12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

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13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"

Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support : "Well?"

Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"

Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD

NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

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Hight Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Linux Shell's Song

Which song does Linux's Shell sing always.....




think............







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ok ... the song is "Tere Bin mein kaise jiya...."







why????????????








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dont give up man........





think.........................





think..........................





bcoz.... all linux commands reside in "/bin"... so without "bin" shell has nothing to execute...
so without "bin" shell has no importance.....

Hide - N - Seek

An Ant and an Elephant are playing "Hide n Seek" game.

first was ant's turn. Ant closes it's eyes, counts till 100 elephant finding no place to hide goes n stands behind a tree. Ant easily finds elephant and it's elephants turn now.

Elephant closes it's eyes, counts till 100. Ant finds a nice place to hide. It goes inside a nearby temple and hides in one of the corners.

Elephant is still able to find where the ant is. It calls ant asking it to come out of temple..

guess how??

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Elephant finds Ant's slippers outside the temple.

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Tree

In the Advanced Data Structures class,

Teacher : What is a Tree ?

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Student : Adult plant.
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